SPOILER ALERT! Quest Breakdown Step 1: Buy the Goth Cloth, Goth Cap, and Goth Clothes from the U-Stor-It street merchant. Step 2: Wrestle the Cigarettes away from the gang in the alley next to Jimbo’s Guns. Step 3: Buy the Tweek Bros. Dark Roast from the Tweek Bros. coffee shop. Step 4: Get ambushed by the elves. And like it. Step 5: Return to the Goth Kids. Step 6: Complete the “PTA Problems” quest. Step 7: Dance for the Goth Kids. |
The Goths suggest that you get yourself a Marilyn Manson makeover. That means buying three pieces of clothing to put on—Goth Clothes, Goth Gloves, and Goth Cap—and finding Cigarettes and a special coffee blend to fit right in.
Hobo Sales
Zip over to the northeastern part of town and look for the U-Stor-It building. A street merchant sells odd items in front of the storage facility.
Buy the Goth Cap for $5, the Goth Clothes for $8, and the Goth Gloves for $3. Put on your new Goth clothes. You now look like you’re ready to rob a bank—or sit with the Goths.
Nicotine and Caffeine
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“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was a crime to want a more pleasing figure.” —Smoking Boy |
Set out to the west to find the Jimbo’s Guns store. Three Smoking Scoundrels loiter in the side alley to the left of the store. If you want to be badass, fight ’em in your Goth clothes. Or you can change back into your better gear and bulk up for the thrashing.
Chomp on your snacks to keep your HP high and smack down the first Smoking Scoundrel. With one down, you’ve increased your odds to survive by…a lot. Extinguish the second Scoundrel with the rest of your special abilities and then go nose-to-nose with the final Scoundrel.
Pocket the Cigarettes from the Scoundrels and return to Tweek’s old haunt. Inside Tweek Bros. you can buy the Tweek Bros. Dark Roast for a buck.
Ambush!
You now have all the items you need to return to the Goths. Those sons of bitches, the elves, have other plans, though. Four of ’em ambush you outside Tweek Bros. and, no matter whether you win or lose the fight, they bring you back to their king, Kyle.
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“Surrender yourself and prepare thy heart. The King of Elves wishes to speak with thee.” —Elf |
Loot Table: Kyle’s House
N = Not Junk / C = Collectable / Q = Quest Item / E = Equipment / D = Dye
| General Area | Location | Item | $$$ Value | N | C | Q | E | D |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Backyard | Gnome bag in “King’s Forest” (Fighter) | Warhammer (Melee) | $15.00 | o | o | o | ||
| Backyard | Gnome bag in “King’s Forest” (Mage) | Shocking Staff (Melee) | $12.60 | o | o | o | ||
| Backyard | Gnome bag in “King’s Forest” (Thief) | Assassin’s Dagger (Melee) | $14.00 | o | o | o | ||
| Backyard | Gnome bag in “King’s Forest” (Jew) | Holy Poker of the Faithful (Melee) | $11.80 | o | o | o | ||
| Backyard | Gnome bag in “King’s Forest” | Elven Archer Patch (Patch) | $2.00 | o | o | |||
| Backyard | Gnome bag inside of “Spirit Cave” | Cash | $2.50 | o | ||||
| Backyard | Gnome bag inside of “Spirit Cave” | Revive Potion | $0.60 | o | ||||
| Backyard | Gnome bag inside of “Spirit Cave” | Power Potion (Large) | $2.40 | o | ||||
| Backyard | Loot bag in treehouse tent | Torn Cloak Fragment | $0.30 | |||||
| Backyard | Loot bag in treehouse tent | Sky Blue Dye | - | o | o | |||
| Backyard | Bag by the base of tree | Shattered Arrow | $0.35 | |||||
| Backyard | Bag by the base of tree | Cure Potion | $0.20 | o | ||||
| Backyard | Bag by the base of tree | Elvish Loyalty Patch (Patch) | $1.00 | o | o | |||
| Backyard | Chest inside of purple tent (Fighter) | Warrior’s Axe (Melee) | $5.00 | o | o | o | ||
| Backyard | Chest inside of purple tent (Mage) | Ice Wand (Melee) | $4.80 | o | o | o | ||
| Backyard | Chest inside of purple tent (Thief) | Poignard (Melee) | $5.20 | o | o | o | ||
| Backyard | Chest inside of purple tent (Jew) | Izmel of the Faithful (Melee) | $4.00 | o | o | o | ||
| Backyard | Chest inside of purple tent | Power Potion | $0.40 | o | ||||
| Backyard | Chest inside of purple tent | Cash | $1.00 | o | ||||
| Kitchen | Cabinet under microwave | Health Potion (Large) | $1.00 | o | ||||
| Kitchen | Sink cabinet | Spoon | $0.10 | |||||
| Kitchen | Sink cabinet | Fork | $0.10 | |||||
| Kitchen | Sink cabinet | Pubes | $0.05 | |||||
| Kitchen | Fridge | Cure Potion | $0.20 | o | ||||
| Kitchen | Fridge | Power Potion | $0.40 | o | ||||
| Kitchen | Fridge | Ice Cube (Strap-on) | $1.00 | o | o | |||
| Living Room | Desk with Hebrew sign | Cash | $0.75 | o | ||||
| Living Room | Desk with Hebrew sign | Dreidel | $0.30 | |||||
| Living Room | Desk with Hebrew sign | Popcorn Necklaces | $0.25 | |||||
| Living Room | Desk with Hebrew sign | Macaroni Pictures | $0.30 | |||||
| Hallway | Desk under family portrait | Sidelocks (Makeup) | $0.40 | o | o | |||
| Hallway | Desk under family portrait | The Poop that Took a Pee | $0.60 | |||||
| Kyle’s Bedroom | Nightstand | Underpants | - | o | o | |||
| Kyle’s Bedroom | Nightstand | Cash | $2.00 | o | ||||
| Kyle’s Bedroom | Nightstand | Health Potion (Small) | $0.20 | o | ||||
| Kyle’s Bedroom | Dresser | Torn Cloak Fragment | $0.30 | |||||
| Kyle’s Bedroom | Dresser | Cyborg Bill Action Figure | $0.60 | |||||
| Kyle’s Bedroom | Dresser | Jew Scout Guide | $0.30 | |||||
| Parents’ Bedroom | Dresser under mirror | Canadian Adoption Papers | $0.30 | |||||
| Parents’ Bedroom | Dresser under mirror | Cash | $0.15 | o | ||||
| Parents’ Bedroom | Dresser under mirror | Broflovski Garage Key | - | o | o | |||
| Parents’ Bedroom | Nightstand under Kyle’s picture | Cash | $1.05 | o | ||||
| Parents’ Bedroom | Nightstand under Kyle’s picture | “What Are These Changes?” VHS | $0.40 | |||||
| Parents’ Bedroom | Large Dresser | Cure Potion | $0.20 | o | ||||
| Parents’ Bedroom | Large Dresser | Barbarian Wig (Hair) | $0.40 | o | o | |||
| Bathroom | Sink cabinet | Acne (Makeup) | $0.40 | o | o | |||
| Bathroom | Sink cabinet | Ike’s Chewing Tobacco | $0.50 | |||||
| Bathroom | Sink cabinet | Pubes | $0.05 | |||||
| Bathroom | Dresser with potted plant | Soap on a Rope | $0.40 | |||||
| Bathroom | Dresser with potted plant | Cash | $0.10 | o | ||||
| Bathroom | Dresser with potted plant | Mr. Hankey Construction Set | $0.70 | |||||
| Garage | On the floor | Stegmata (Chinpokomon) | - | o | o | |||
| Garage | Red chest in the back | Kyle’s Muttonchops (Facial Hair) | $0.40 | o | o | |||
| Garage | Red chest in the back | Small Magnet (Patch) | $2.00 | o | o |
Kyle tries to convince you that Cartman is out of his mind. He claims that Cartman is hiding the Stick of Truth to keep the feud between humans and elves going. The Elf King asks that you still recruit the Goth Kids, but report back to him instead of Cartman.
Go speak with the Goth Kids decked out in your black. They approve of your look but still think you’re a conformist. The Goths hand you a “Fuck the Conformists” sign to go tape to the PTA table in the middle of their meeting. Do that and they’ll think you’re cool.