New Quest: Defeat the Underpants Gnomes

Your night’s sleep isn’t interrupted by aliens this time, but by Underpants Gnomes. The weird, miniature freaks want to steal your underpants. We really don’t want to know why.

Shrinkage

The gnomes attack when you climb out of bed. Compared to you, the Gnome Mobs are tiny and you can squash them with little to no problem. Knowing that they can’t beat you, the gnomes summon their Underpants Warlock to shrink you down to their size.

Face off against the Gnome Mage and Gnome Conjuror. Be prepared to Perfect Block their special attacks or they’ll melt you on the spot. Return the favor with your special attacks, followed by a good pummeling if you need extra damage to pound their spiked heads.

Before you enter the mouse hole, be sure to loot the fallen gnomes and score yourself Gnome Gloves and a Miner's Patch.

Into the Hole

Enter the mouse hole in your bedroom’s back wall and chase after the Underpants Gnomes. Run in front of the mousetrap and climb up the blue and green wires to reach the pipe above. If you accidentally trigger the mousetrap, it kills you.

Loot Table: Gnome Chase

N = Not Junk / C = Collectable / Q = Quest Item / E = Equipment / D = Dye

Pick up the Gnome Helmet and Super Bouncy Ball! from the right side of the pipe. Put it on if you want an increase in PP each turn while shrunk.

Go as far left as you can on the pipe and smash the pipe joint to let out the water. Aim down at the split in the blue wire with your ranged weapon and shoot the wire. The live wire will drop into a puddle below and singe the Giant Rat chewing on a gnome. The rat bolts to the right and right into the mousetrap. Splat!

Continue through the hole where you electrified the rat. Peer through a vent to see your parents talking in bed about you. From your mom’s position on your dad, talking won’t be on their minds a few minutes from now.

Walk through the next hole and climb up the next wire to the pipe above. Hack out the wood to your left and ascend to the live fuse box. Wait for the electricity to cease and run across to the left and pick up the Gnome Clothes and Gnome Pickaxe Head in the stash.

Return to the spot where you hacked through the wood and look to your right. Shoot the rusted pipe above you to drop a section and form a ramp up.

Walk up the ramp and approach the next blue and green wire carefully. A Giant Rat lunges out at you from the hole to the right. Ignore the rat and climb up the wire to the pipe above.

Smash through the wood beam and walk to the right side of the pipe so that you’re standing over the rats. Smash the vertical section of the pipe and a jagged piece will drop off and pierce the third Giant Rat.

Return to the blue and green wires and shoot out the wooden support near the pink insulation. The insulation will drop down in front of the closer rat and catch on fire from the sparking yellow wire.

Back down the wire and stand in front of the fire. Cup-a-Spell to the right and roast the second Giant Rat, then battle the final rat to get through. Hold your nose as you cross through the nest and recover the Gnome Pickaxe from the stash to the far right. Upgrade if possible.

Climb the final blue and green wire to reach the electrical outlet at the top. Open the outlet to gain access to your parents’ bedroom. Your childhood memories will never be the same again.

Size Matters

You need to find the Gnome Warlock and force him to return you to normal size. Unfortunately, he’s chosen to hide in your parents’ bedroom in the middle of a marathon of kinky sex.

When you catch up with the gnomes on the edge of the dresser, a Gnome Mage, Gnome Elementalist, and Gnome Conjuror intercept you before you can reach the Warlock. In between pants and gasps from your parents’ background activities, throw your multi-attack special abilities at the gnomes and use Perfect Blocks and snacks to keep your HP high. Cut them down one by one until they fall as limp as your dad at the end of the night’s festivities.

Chase after the Warlock by sliding down the wire attached to the alarm clock on the end of the dresser. Race after him to your parents’ bed, where the Warlock makes his last stand.

Play defensive with the Warlock; you have to outlast his potentially devastating attacks and his higher HP total. Make sure you Perfect Block each attack and snack to keep your hit points high enough to survive a single-round barrage even if you mistime your blocks. Give him everything you’ve got; there are no other opponents to hold back for, and the Underpants Warlock is the final fight in Day 2.

After you beat the Underpants Warlock he hands you the Gnome Dust, which you can use from here on out to shrink to miniature size or return to normal size. The Warlock tells you that they were actually collecting underpants to stop the Taco Bell from releasing its toxic green goo into their underground world. Before he can reveal what the green goo actually is, however, your parents’ rough sex flattens him. It doesn’t even slow them down.

You awake back in bed. Thankfully. Hoping that what you just witnessed was a very bad dream, you prepare for your third day in South Park.