New Quest: The New Kid in Town — South Park: The Stick of Truth eGuide

SPOILER ALERT!

Quest Breakdown

Step 1: Play around in your room.

Step 2: Get as much loot as you can before your dad kicks you out.

Step 3: Raid your garage for more loot.

Step 4: Save Butters from the elf.

Step 5: Meet Cartman and discover Kupa Keep.

Step 6: Proudly accept your special new title.

Step 7: Pick a class: Fighter, Mage, Thief, or Jew.

Step 8: Buy a weapon from Clyde.

Step 9: Kick Clyde’s ass.

Step 10: See the Stick of Truth with Cartman.

Step 11: Defend the Stick of Truth from the elves.

Welcome to South Park, a remote town of white snow, after-school education, Pleases and Sparkles Clubs, and whole milk—which probably comes from Nazi Zombie Cows. Yes, things are going to get exciting here, and weird, but first you have to survive moving day.

Check Out Your Digs

Your mom must have hired Stevie Wonder as interior designer: lots of open space, beige walls, gray carpet. At least you have a goldfish, though fish food has never been your strong point.

Open the toy chest at the foot of your bed; it’s storage for later on when you actually have stuff. As luck would have it, your closet holds $0.50 and a Baseball Card.

Loot Table: New Kid's House

N = Not Junk / C = Collectable / Q = Quest Item / E = Equipment / D = Dye

General Area	Location	Item	$$$ Value	N	E
Bedroom	Terrance & Phillip Bag	Baseball Card	$0.10
Bedroom	Terrance & Phillip Bag	Cash	$0.50	o
Living Room	Counter with two boxes	Cash	$2.00	o
Living Room	Desk near door	Pigtails Wig (Hair)	$0.40	o	o
Kitchen	Counter with coffee maker	Cash	$2.00	o
Kitchen	Kitchen cabinet left of mom	Eye Black (Makeup)	$0.40	o	o
Kitchen	Kitchen cabinet left of mom	Health Potion (Small)	$0.20	o
Kitchen	Kitchen cabinet under sink	Fork	$0.10
Kitchen	Kitchen cabinet under sink	Cash	$0.50	o
Parents’ Bedroom	Desk with parents’ picture	Screwdriver	$0.30
Parents’ Bedroom	Desk with parents’ picture	Cash	$0.50	o
Parents’ Bedroom	Desk with potted plant	Cloth Fragment	$0.10
Parents’ Bedroom	Nightstand with clock	Cash	$1.00	o
Parents’ Bedroom	Nightstand without clock	The Poop that Took a Pee	$0.60
Parents’ Bedroom	Nightstand without clock	No. 2 Pencil	$0.05
Parents’ Bedroom	Nightstand without clock	Crumpled Paper	$0.05
Upstairs Hallway	Desk with white lamp	Cash	$0.50	o
Upstairs Hallway	Desk with white lamp	Old Baseball Glove	$0.25
Bathroom	Dresser with potted plant	Cash	$0.10	o
Bathroom	Sink cabinet	Old Sponge	$0.10
Bathroom	Sink cabinet	Rusty Pipe	$0.25
Garage	Chest in the attic	Cash	$1.50	o
Garage	Chest in the attic	Surfer Wig (Hair)	$0.40	o	o
Yard	Bag next to house behind snow pile	Health Potion (Small)	$0.20	o
Yard	Bag next to house behind snow pile	Power Potion	$0.40	o

Ransack Your House

Your dad is being a total dick today—he’ll kick you out of the house if you take too long to leave on your own. There isn’t much time, but hurry and try to grab the following loot:

Old Sponge, Rusty Pipe (upstairs in the bathroom sink cabinet)
$0.10 (upstairs in the bathroom cabinet)
Pigtails Wig (downstairs in the desk near the couch)
$0.50, Fork (downstairs in the cupboard beneath the kitchen sink)
Eye Black, Health Potion (Small) (downstairs in the cupboard on the left side of your mom)
$2.00 (downstairs on the left counter in the kitchen)

Become Popular, Goddammit!

Wipe your dad’s boot mark off your ass and get outside to make new friends. First, though, open your garage and check out the red chest in the loft. You’ll find $1.50 and a Surfer Wig inside.

An elf—yeah, you heard that right—and a guy with a hammer are fighting on the sidewalk to your right. Walk up and punch the elf. That’s all it takes to pwn the bastard and save the day.

Butters the Merciful

The elf runs home to tell his momma, and you make a new friend in the guy with the hammer. He introduces himself as Butters the Merciful and says that he’s a paladin. He then tells you to seek out the Wizard King if you want to be cool.

Chug along to the right, past the red house (Butters’ house), over to the green house with the “Kupa Keep” sign on the back fence. Approach the front door to meet up with the next kid on the block.

The Wizard King

A big dude with a large staff and pointy hat answers the door and announces he’s the Wizard King. He’s got a mouth that’d make a rapper blush. Pretty cool—he might teach you a line or two.

Cut through the house to the backyard. You’ve reached Kupa Keep, the humans’ stronghold, made up of a fully stocked armory, a penned-in stable, and a towering fortress painstakingly constructed of taped-together cardboard boxes.

The Naming of New Kid

Speak with Cartman (the Wizard King) and he will ask you to type in your name. You will no longer be known as “New Kid” but will gain the honorable title of…Douchebag. No matter what you type, Cartman dubs you Douchebag.

Next, you will choose a class: Fighter, Mage, Thief, or Jew. Which class should you choose? For this answer and more, you might want to sneak a peek at the “Classes” chapter.

Your First Weapon

Waddle over to Clyde at the armory and buy your first piece of equipment: a wooden weapon befitting of a level 1 noob. At least it’s better than fucking up your fist.

Beating Clyde’s Ass

Cartman has you test out your new weapon on Clyde. When your weapon flashes, attack Clyde for max damage. Protect your balls from Clyde’s attacks and continue pummeling Clyde until Cartman announces you are worthy and invites you into the tent to see the relic.

The Stick of Truth

Enter the tent and Cartman tells you about the history of the Stick of Truth, for “whoever controls the Stick controls the universe.” Your conversation is rudely interrupted by an attack by the elves, who want to steal the Stick back for themselves and put some mad beats on anyone who gets in their way.

Save Butters, Scott Malkinson, and Cartman’s cat from the Elven Defenders and Elven Bowmen. These are basic fights to practice your skills—concentrate on striking when your weapon flashes and blocking each enemy’s attack to reduce damage. Score a Bow of Sucking, Health Potion (Small), and Power Potion after you off all the elves.