Jew

You are not afraid to cast the first stone with your secret martial arts. You perform circumcisions with precision and won’t shy from summoning a mix of pestilence, fiery hail, flying insects, or a rain of frogs to send your opponent back to their maker.

Why Choose This Class

If you like to dazzle opponents with your sling and scythe and plagues, you’ve picked the right class. The Jew does a little bit of everything well—melee, ranged, multiple targeting—though doesn’t deal as much damage as the other classes’ specialties. If you’re perfect with your sling, you can max out damage, or self-inflict damage if you aren’t. On the other hand, your Jew-Jitsu might just be the most powerful ability in the game. Don’t underestimate the Jew.

Special Abilities

You can melee, you can hit foes at range, you can confuse them with a dreidel. At lower levels you have to get by with hands and sling, though once you get up to scythe and plagues, the whole joint will be jumpin’—mostly with frogs.

Sling of David

Begin by mastering the Sling of David, though be careful when you reach level 3’s Sling of David III. Yes, you force enemies to stop using abilities and they gain the Attack Down status effect, but they also get Pissed Off and focus solely on you. Sling of David II increases damage, and Sling of David IV bounces your sling bullet to a random other target. When you’re getting low on HP, Sling of David V deals even more sling damage.

Jew-Jitsu

Max out this ability as soon as possible! At level 2, Jew-Jitsu pummels your foe with a stunning strike, followed by extra damage with Jew-Jitsu II. Jew-Jitsu III deals even more damage when you Perfect Hit based on your wound status, then Jew-Jitsu IV activates on a successful hit and prevents your opponent’s next attack. At the top of the chain, Jew-Jitsu V gives you haste on a Perfect Attack.

Circum-Scythe

Against opponents with armor and shields, the Circum-Scythe cuts away excess defenses and excess balls. Circum-Scythe II increases damage and Circum-Scythe III inflicts two stacks of bleeding on a Perfect Attack. Circum-Scythe IV adds Defense Down to opponents, while Circum-Scythe V leaves all enemies other than your target with a Gross Out effect.

Whirling Doom

Whirling Doom sends your dreidel bouncing around enemies’ heads, stripping away beneficial status effects. Whirling Doom IIincreases your Whirling Doom attack damage, and Whirling Doom III bounces the dreidel more times. On a Perfect Attack, Whirling Doom IV removes all your negative status effects. Once you reach Whirling Doom V, you get to add a burning effect to your damage.

Plagues of Egypt

Call down the frogs and fiery hail as Plagues of Egypt delivers woe unto all your enemies. Plagues of Egypt II delivers more damage. When you curse your foes with pestilence or fiery hail through Plagues of Egypt III, you and your buddy gain Attack Up, but when you curse your foes with frogs or flying insects through Plagues of Egypt IV, you and your buddy gain Ability Up. Best of all, Plagues of Egypt V allows you to visit a fourth plague upon the wicked during your turn.

Jew Special Abilities

Perks

If you plan on using the more expensive abilities on your Sling of David, invest in Griefer, which inflicts extra damage on Pissed Off foes and also decreases the damage they do. Since you already like slinging stones and throwing dreidels, Marksman will increase damage from any other ranged attacks you choose to get your hands on. If your play style is risky and you want to take on extra damage to increase your Sling of David V and Jew-Jitsu III, pick up Fight or Flight so your attacks do increased damage when you are critically injured.

Gear

If you want to go for the orthodox Jew look, don the Holy Yarmulke, Holy Robes, and Holy Ring. Now you’re ready for a dust-up in a back alley, or maybe just Passover supper at Uncle Shmutz’s. Depending on your play style, you’ll want to adapt your weapons accordingly. The Jewish Staff is solid at low level, while the Sica Dagger of the Faithful is better at higher levels. For a prize of biblical portions, arm yourself with the Morningstar of David, the holiest and heaviest of relics.

Combat Tactics

All battle scenarios assume you’re not taking on two clowns that can barely tie their shoes. Just use Perfect Attack and Perfect Block to crush that competition. The battle scenarios that follow give you tips for fighting bosses, mini-bosses, and annoying opponents that require more finesse and greater firepower.

Battle Scenario 1: Melee

Jew-Jitsu the shih tzu out of your opponents! Stun your foe with the standard chop, activate your divine shield, then gain haste for the win! Against a heavily armored enemy, Circum-Scythe and stack more damage and effects up the chain to Circum-Scythe IV. Given a choice of melee targets, generally you want to pound the one with fewer hit points. A dropped enemy can’t counterattack, which means less damage you have to withstand. If you know a target has a deadly special ability, then that foe should become the priority.

Battle Scenario 2: Ranged

When you can reach the enemies in the back row, there are a few more decisions to make during combat. You rarely fight four or more foes, so the defended enemy (one not able to be hit by melee) will be your ranged target. Generally, ranged weapons deal less damage than melee weapons—though you can rely on your special ranged abilities for higher damage totals—but it’s worth concentrating on ranged foes to remove them from the fight if they have potent abilities (particularly those that raise the dead). It’s also possible to harass enemies by striking a foe with a single ranged attack to stack on a negative effect (say, Gross Out, to prevent healing) or to add an increased-damage effect such as burning or bleeding. While you switch to other enemies in the battle, the ranged foe continues to take damage.

Battle Scenario 3: Multiple Targets

Once you have the proper gear, you should beat almost any group of two opponents. Battling three or four opponents gets tricky; most of the time you need to break out some of your multiple-target abilities to kill off more than one enemy at a time if you want to survive. The Jew’s Circum-Scythe will Gross Out enemies if you’re up to Circum-Scythe V, Whirling Doom strips away effects and inflicts burning if you’re up to Whirling Doom V, but Plagues of Egypt is your real crowd-pleaser with damage and negative effects for everyone.

Battle Scenario 4: All Out

Your ultimate attack chain, assuming you have enough power points, goes something like this: Jew-Jitsu, Circum-Scythe or Sling of David, Jew-Jitsu. First stun your opponent (and hopefully gain a divine shield and haste) with Jew-Jitsu. Next, cut through enemy armor with Circum-Scythe or use Sling of David (with Sling of David III) if your buddy is getting low on HP. Repeat the process to keep the enemy ineffective while you rack up damage. Throw in a Whirling Doom to wipe out harmful effects or Plagues of Egypt when you need to hose a whole bunch of enemies at once. You can really mow down enemies as a matzo-chomping, Star of David-wearing Mossad wannabe.