Achievements

You’ve gotta be good at something, and it might as well be at collecting Chinpokomon, or bashing the Hallway Monitor Boss while wearing Freckles, or farting on Jesus. In South Park, there are only a few automatic achievements—the rest have to be earned with some insider knowledge (read it here!) and lots and lots of game hours.

To help you max out your achievements, we’ve grouped the achievements into identifying categories. Maybe you love combat or just feel like passing gas—it’s all here. While busting heads, you might want to buddy up with Cartman and kill 20 enemies to unlock the “Ass of Fire” achievement or drop a bomb on the carcass of an aborted Nazi Zombie Fetus to finish off the aptly named “Too Far” achievement. Whatever your gameplay obsession, peruse the following categories to check off multiple achievements in a single sitting.

Automatic Accomplishments

These achievements happen automatically. They’re as inevitable as taking a whiz after a 7-Eleven Big Gulp.

• Acceptance (name yourself Douchebag)
• First Day in South Park (survive your first day)
• New Kid on the Block (join the Kingdom of Kupa Keep)

Combat Moves

Bashing heads. Setting foes on fire. Blocking like a champ. Slap your enemies around like you’re in a Three Stooges routine and you’re well on your way to earning some of these combat-related challenges.

• Ass of Fire (kill 20 enemies with Cartman’s ass)
• Avenger (defeat 3 enemies while your buddy is unconscious)
• Day Walker (defeat the Hallway Monitor Boss while wearing Freckles)
• Elven Hero (defeat Cartman)
• Gingivitis (let Gingers bite you 3 times without blocking)
• Heisenberg (defeat the Meth Heads while wearing the Evil Cartman Goatee and Bald Cap)
• Irritable Bowels (shit your pants during a boss battle)
• KKK Hero (defeat Kyle in battle)
• Made This for You (make a turd and fling it at an enemy)
• No Child Left Behind (complete the game without a buddy being knocked out)
• Pulling Mud (shit your pants in battle 3 times)
• Shutout (block every enemy attack in a non-tutorial combat)
• Skilled Defender (block 100 attacks)
• Weapon Proficiency (score 100 perfect attacks)

Farting

Fuel up on baked beans and broccoli, ’cause it’s time to get busy with below-the-belt tactics that’ll have opponents gasping like three-pack-a-day smokers at the one-mile marker of a marathon.

• Animal Cruelty (fart on 25 animals)
• Canadian Handshake (fart on people 100 times)
• Dog Whistle (fart on a canine in gnome form)
• Dragon Wrath (fart on three elves at the same time outside of combat)
• Just Saying Hi (fart on all buddies)
• Re-Buttal (interrupt 5 channel attacks with a fart)
• Stay Down (fart on 10 enemies when they’re already down)
• Too Far (fart on the corpse of an aborted Nazi Zombie Fetus)
• Truth to Power (fart on the mayor, Father Maxi, the principal, and the prime minister)

Friendly Endeavors

With more than 100 friends to track down throughout South Park, you’ve gotta be more popular than a prom queen, or Jesus, or John Lennon, to be truly successful. Start with Butters and build a network that’ll make Katy Perry drool.

• Daddy Issues (friend your dad)
• Friends in Strange Places (friend the Crab People and Underpants Gnomes)
• More Popular than Jesus (friend half of South Park)
• More Popular than John Lennon (friend all of South Park)
• Nonconformist (friend all the Goths)

Kill Kenny

It’s not enough simply to kill Kenny; you’ve got to get creative. Sure, you can watch him die as your buddy to earn an achievement, but to earn the tougher ones you’ll have to stay dressed up like a girl or live with Dire AIDS until the end of the game.

• Face Hoff (defeat Kenny while looking like David Hasselhoff)
• Outpatient (defeat Kenny while you have Dire AIDS)
• Stick Savior (defeat Kenny and retrieve the Stick of Truth)
• Two Girls, One Stick (defeat Kenny in your Makeover disguise)
• You Bastards! (have Kenny die 10 times in battle)

Cashing In

Spend money. Don’t spend money. These accomplishments are all tied to your wallet and what you do with that hard-earned cash you get from mugging elves and stealing from school lockers.

• For the Hoarder (sell absolutely nothing for the entire game)
• Junk Peddler (sell 300 junk items)
• Make It Rain! (spend $500)

Fashion Designer

Gather as much gear as you can and deck yourself out like a king—or a S.W.A.T. officer. The more valuable achievements require full costume sets—no mixing and matching if you want to earn them all.

• Clothes Whore (complete all costume sets)
• Full Arsenal (own all the costumes and all the weapons in the game)
• Shopaholic (complete half of the costume sets)

Chinpokomon Collection

You might find a Chinpokomon hidden in a tree, an air duct, or even South Park’s peeping-tom UFO. Stash these collectables in your inventory for rewards at 5, 15, and 30 Chinpokomon.

• Poco Chinpoko (collect 5 Chinpokomon)
• Chinpoko Loco (collect 15 Chinpokomon)
• Chinpokolypse (collect 30 Chinpokomon)

Miscellaneous

These achievements didn’t really fit anywhere else so they ended up here. Sort of like David Arquette at a rehab center.

• Are We Cool? (as a Jew, find Jesus in the church)
• Inside Joke (summon Mr. Slave inside Mr. Slave’s colon)
• Mastery (unlock all upgrades for one of your abilities)
• Parkeologist (open all garages in South Park)
• Perverted (watch your parents have sex for 60 seconds)

Achievements