Darkwood Bordello

As soon as the Trader Escort quest ends, those mysterious locked doors in Darkwood Lake swing wide, giving access to the sultry pleasures of Darkwood Bordello. There’s a whole bunch of stuff to see here, so why not take a break from your main quest and investigate its negligee—sorry, negligible—charm? Be wary on your way over, though—Darkwood is now teeming with enemies.

Once you reach Darkwood Bordello, enjoy your chat with Madame Minzche, then fish in the pond just off the main path to win a Health Potion and Moonfish. There’s also a Demon Door at the very end of the road to the north-east if you’re up for a particularly saucy challenge.

Once you’ve done your business outside, it’s time to enter the Bordello and, um, do your business inside. If you’re in the mood for some female companionship, talk to the lady that takes your fancy and prepare to hand over some Gold. When you’re suitably satisfied, turn your attention to the quest at hand. Speak to the establishment’s beautiful Madame once more and prepare to get stuck in.

It seems the Bordello’s owner—the appropriately named Grope—has hidden the deeds to the place somewhere in Albion. You need to find them if you hope to free the local ladies from a lifetime of servitude. There are two markedly different ways to achieve the same goal. The first, easiest option is to ply Grope with beer until he gives up the deeds’ location. Six pints should do it.

Alternatively, you can unleash your inner minx and seduce the deeds’ resting place from Grope. This strategy demands a new look, however, so start by teleporting to Bowerstone South and purchase the Clean Shave look at the barber’s. Next, you want to slip into something more comfortable—shop around Bowerstone to get the Upper Dress, Lower Dress, and Dress Gloves.

Return to Darkwood Bordello and part with some Gold for a quick bout of frisky business with the seductress of your choice. Once the deed is done, grab the Redhead Wig from the wooden dresser near the foot of the bed and make your way downstairs. Slip on all four bits of your new attire then talk to Madame Minzche. Agree to become a working girl then speak to Grope again. Now that you’re practically irresistible, accept his proposal and sneak upstairs to show him a whole new set of Hero skills. Finally, the deeds’ location is yours!

Before you go to retrieve them, pop some clothes on—you don’t want to scare the locals—then head back outside. Look for the large tree (by the statue, near the area entrance) and use your Spade on the earth. Return to Madame Minzche and hand over the deeds. Talk to her again and you’re offered a choice—either turn the Bordello into a refuge for fallen women and earn a bunch of Good points, or keep the business as is and become the new owner. This latter option rewards plenty of Evil points and, as a bonus, earns you regular rent income, too. Whatever you decide, return to Barrow Fields when you’re done and head west to Oakvale.

Darkwood Bordello Demon Door

“It’s a hard life being a stone door. You know when I last had a physical relationship? No? Try “never.” So, I’ve decided to live vicariously. Now, I only open to “men of the world,” and I’m afraid you haven’t even left the house yet. Come back when you’re a real stud.”

This particular Demon Door only opens to those experienced in the ways of pokey fun-times. Sleep with 10 women in the Bordello to penetrate the door’s inner sanctum. The cheapest way for Good characters to win this challenge is to purchase Polly’s services 10 times—she’s the wrinkled whore with the heart of gold—at the bargain price of 50 Gold a pop. Evil Heroes, meanwhile, can go one better: become the new Bordello owner and sleep with whomever you like, completely free of charge. Beyond the door lies The Desolate Abbey, containing the highly sought Pimp Hat. Wear it with pride, and a bow-legged gait.

Shopping in the Darkwood Bordello

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