South Park: How to Play the Thief Class

Pro-tip: It helps to read this aloud in a self-help seminar voice.

Are you a conniving, backstabbing, little douchebag? …or maybe you just like to wear black and brood, but don’t want to hang out listening to Bauhaus all day. Then the Thief lifestyle might be right for you!

The obvious perk to living the roguish life of a Thief is that you earn more money due to the Magnets bonus that you have thanks to the Thief’s Gloves of Profit. There is much more to this class than sticky fingers though. Keep on your Thief’s Hood of Sneakiness and exploit the Bloody Weakness bonus by using Backstab or any other attack that inflicts bleeding early on to afflict your enemies with Defense Down. As a Thief, you can quickly whittle down your foes/victims by stacking Bleeding to tear them apart. Take advantage of this technique by equipping Strap-ons and Patches that afford you with armor penetration.

Decisions, decisions… do you go decide to upgrade Backstab, taking advantage of the stackable Bleeding? Or, should you go for Mug and upgrade it to stun your enemies? You’ll get much more mileage out of Backstab simply because you can also use the ability on bosses (who are immune to being stunned). Another plus to Mug is that you can rip away beneficial statuses from your enemies – which you can also do with Water Balloons (a cheap and easily found item).

Once you become level 5, you’ll be able to begin using the Execute ability. Even at the base level, this ability will not only attack your enemy, but also penetrate armor and rip away shields. Stun enemies outside of battle once Execute is upgraded to level 3 to take advantage of your enemies’ stunned state. You may be tempted to take advantage of Stink Bombs, but you would be better off saving up to fully upgrade Death of a Thousand Cuts. Besides, if you really want to inflict serious Gross Out damage, use a Strap-On like the Tuft of Ginger Pubic Hair on a ranged weapon that hits multiple targets. By using the Death of a Thousand Cuts on the other hand, you can decimate your foes by causing damage with Bleeding on all of your foes. The PP cost of this skill can be off-putting, but once the ability is upgraded to level 4, the PP cost drops by 20%.

Check out how to play the Mage,  Fighter, and Jew classes.