South Park: How to Play the Jew Class

Are you a stone-throwing mensch with an affinity for sidelocks? Well, then the Jew is you. Before raining hellfire and performing circumcisions, you’d better read this.

Pro-tip: It helps to read this aloud in a self-help seminar voice.

So why is setting off on your adventure as a Jew really worth being the subject of Cartman’s ridicule? Well, for starters, any abuse you take only serves to make you stronger. Don’t believe me? Well, your default costume consists of the Holy Yarmulke, which restores PP when you sustain damage. Along with your headwear, you’ll also have the Holy Robes and Holy Ring, both of which begin by affording you less injury and more damage to enemies when bleeding. This is especially useful against the Barbed Arrows of Archers you’ll face early in the game. Activate the “Bloodlust” perk early on to take advantage of these bonuses and bleed your foes dry.

Being a Jew, take full advantage of the Sling of David ability early and upgrade it. This will give you an equalizer for taking care of enemies in the back row quickly. Once you become level 2, Jew-Jitsu is unlocked. While it is great for attack chains, you may want to save some upgrades for the Cirum-scythe ability – yes, it is as brutal as it sounds. Circum-Scythe plays to your strengths as a Jew, by taking advantage of the Bleeding bonuses that your default vestiges afford you.

Next up, you’ll unlock Whirling Doom, a multi-targeted dreidel attack that rips any beneficial status effects from your foes. Bump this ability up to level 4 and you will also remove all negative status effects from you as well. Take this to the extreme by upgrading to level 5 and you’ll set any idiot that gets in your way alight. You may be inclined to channel your inner Charlton Heston and unleash the Plagues of Egypt, but keep in mind that this ability comes at a high PP cost as well. If you choose to step up your plague game, then be sure to purchase the Apprentice perk and make use of Equipment Patches to keep a constant flow of PP. Of course, you can always use Whirling Doom at level 5 to afflict all of your enemies while conserving your PP for the next foe.

Want to try a different class? Learn how to play the Fighter class, Mage class, and Thief class.