My Animal Crossing Happy Home Paradise Clients Are a Bunch of Sickos

I literally had to make Supermarket Sweep.

Animal Crossing: New Horizon’s Happy Home Paradise DLC launched last week, and like many, I have been designing dream vacation homes for the lovely villagers. It’s rewarding to create a home using an expanded toolkit with near-limitless possibilities. 

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My Animal Crossing Happy Home Paradise Clients Are a Bunch Of Sickos 

Overall, the DLC itself is a welcomed addition, allowing players to flex their more creative side without having to worry about the restrictions of finding recipes and materials to craft these items. On the surface, it seems like a good vacation vibe, well, that is until you look a little deeper. 

Some villagers want a quaint vacation home filled with natural wood or exposed bricks, which I swiftly conjure up a beautiful landscape for them.

It wasn’t until about the tenth home that I started getting more absurd design inquiries. Now, I’m not here to tell you how to live your best life, but if I’m building you a supermarket with no bed in the middle of the desert, then I’m going to have some questions. Is this truly your vacation, or are you running a side business on this vacation island that I need to know about?

Either way, I handcrafted the best supermarket I could because here at Happy Home Paradise, we provide the client with the best quality of life we possibly can, and I’m damn good at my job.

I stocked the shelves of the newly minted supermarket, hung signs noting good sales, and even installed a freezer section; my client thanked me. So I took some pictures for my work portfolio and moved on.

Next up, we had an alligator who wanted to live on a farm, not super weird, right? Sure, I thought having a tractor inside the house wasn’t the best option, but he won that argument. I placed a chainsaw next to the tractor for aesthetics, and it wasn’t until after that that I realized my mistakes. Seeing the Alligator rev up the chainsaw with no remorse was truly brutal. You can check out the video directly below for yourself. 

Surely it couldn’t get weirder than that request, right? Well, I was proven wrong almost immediately when a robot octopus asked me to create a vacation house that was “just like home.” 

The next thing I know, I’m crafting a bunch of giant test tubes and a command center that Captain Kirk would be envious of. I appreciate Animal Crossing letting me push my creative boundaries and experiment with some bizarre designs. Still, I’m left with the burning question of why are these Animal Crossing clients are a bunch of sickos. 

Moving on, I met an ape who wanted a jungle gym. My naive brain thought, “ok, finally, a normal request.” However, the ape did not mean some monkey bars and a playground but wanted me to create a Crossfit facility inside of an actual jungle. 

So here I am, with my dumb little clipboard, ordering giant vines and trees to put inside of this home. The client is always right, though, so I polish up the furniture and move on from this proverbial hell.  

The one that got me the most riled up, though, was a small squirrel whose dream vacation was a place that was work-ready. It wasn’t as outlandish as some of the other requests, but this client wanted a desk, a computer, and a tablet so they could answer work meetings and client calls.

Honey, take your vacation, enjoy yourself, don’t take that work call; in fact, I gave you a seaside cabin so you could throw your phone into the ocean and live in peace, even if only for a moment.  

Animal Crossing: New Horizons is no stranger to cursed content, whether it’s a clown sheep animal Pietro committing home invasion or a satanic summoning circle of Gyroids in a basement. 

I want to know why these villagers are a bunch of sickos. I don’t think I’ll ever get my answer, and I’m sure I’ll only have to create more cursed vacation islands for these creatures. So I’ll put on my work uniform and get to work, slowly spiraling into madness.

Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to recreate Cutthroat Kitchen at some point; it seems like the sky is the limit. 

 


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Author
Jesse Vitelli
Jesse loves most games, but he really loves games that he can play together with friends and family. This usually means late nights in Destiny 2 or FFXIV. You can also find him thinking about his ever-expanding backlog of games he won't play and being constantly dehydrated. Do not contact him.