I Tried Pokémon Toilet Paper: Super Effective or a False (S)wipe?

I had an absolute field day when Pokémon-themed toilet paper went up for sale back in November 2022. So much so that I wrote about it. I never imagined I’d actually manage to get my hands on a pack, but that’s exactly what happened. And I’m here to tell you what wiping your butt with toilet paper that has Eevee and Mimikyu’s faces printed all over it feels like, in case you’ve ever wondered.

A Literal Ghost (Pokémon) Wipe

I recently traveled to San Diego for a vacation, and while I was there, I decided to visit a local Japanese store. I figured I’d find some cute Sanrio merchandise and/or a snack or two, but what I didn’t expect was to stumble upon an entire display of Pokémon toilet paper as soon as I walked in the door.

My mind flashed back to that November news article, and I realized this was fate: I was destined to know how Pokémon-themed sheets of 2-ply paper felt between my butt cheeks. It’s the quickest $4.99 I’ve ever spent, for real. I had to know. When people buy 12-packs, it’s usually beer. But for me, it’s peach-scented loo roll.

Called Monpoké, which is The Pokémon Company’s official kids’ brand, the toilet paper comes in four different patterns featuring Piplup, Pichu, Pikachu, Eevee, Mime Jr, Ludicolo, Gengar, Smeargle, and Dedenne. And they’re super cute in person! I felt so bad looking at sleepy Eevee, knowing what was going to happen to it the next time I ate some dodgy fast food (in this case, it was Texas Roadhouse. I don’t know what they put in their mash and gravy, but my god).

The first question I had upon opening the pack of toilet paper and looking at the patterns was, “WHY IS SMEARGLE STICKING ITS TONGUE OUT?” …Yeah, I’m not joking. Smeargle is an odd choice to stick on toilet roll anyway, especially alongside cuties like Pichu and Piplup, but why is its tongue sticking out? Like, seriously. That does not paint nice images in my head.

Getting Down to Pokémon Business

Does anyone else feel fear whenever they try out new toilet paper? Like, I love my tried and true because I know it works well. Whenever you’re forced to use a different brand, like if you’re in public or at a friend’s house or whatever, there are a million questions. What if it’s not thick enough? What if it’s rough, like sandpaper? It’s scary!

Trading my trusty 3-ply for 2-ply sheets was terrifying. The Pokémon toilet paper being scented also worried me because, while it’s nice in theory, I’m a sensitive skin girly and didn’t want to be unable to sit down for a week. Still, I braved it and pushed through. For The Content™.

I’m happy to report that I’m still alive and that I’m suffering no adverse side effects: no stinging and no accidental Pocky fingers from the paper being too thin. I don’t really know what else to say about the experience because, well, it’s just toilet roll. Also, if you were expecting photos of this part, you’re freaking weird.

It was comfortable and did the job well. I still prefer my regular paper, so I wouldn’t buy Monpoké again, but if you’re a Pokémon fan and want to add some Pokémon decoration to your bathroom, I’d recommend it. Especially if you have children because I definitely would have been excited to use this when I was five.

Monpoké Pokémon Toilet Paper

PROS:
● Features cute Pokémon!
● Smells good.
● Feels comfortable between the cheeks.

CONS:
● Only 2-ply. Not a dealbreaker, but I prefer 3-ply.
● Hard to get ahold of outside of Japan.
● Features Smeargle sticking its tongue out…

The toilet paper was purchased by the author for review purposes. Reviewed in the bathroom.