I’m playing The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword HD a whirl for the site, having never played the Wii original. There are plenty of things to talk about, and we’ll get to that in an upcoming review. But I need to vent a little bit, and taking the piss is a lot healthier than yelling on Twitter.
So far, I’ve been getting along with Skyward Sword’s controls for the most part. I use a Nintendo Switch Lite, so docked (therefore motion controls) okay isn’t an option. I understand what the controls are doing and why Nintendo’s team translated them the way they did. That’s hard work; it would certainly make me have a panic attack, if that kind of task was on me.
But, BUT, there is one issue that has wrenched my brain so hard I ran out of patience for it. I wanted to drop the whole game! I wouldn’t do that of course, but I wanted to. That’s not good! I’m talking about the controls for the bomb flowers in the Eldin Volcano ahead of the Earth Temple. Perhaps tossing or rolling a bomb with the motion controls feels good, but that is absolutely not the case with button mode.
Oh, you want me to toss a bomb at a weird angle off a platform into a pile of rocks on a sand hill? Sure, let’s just murder the cameraman for a moment while you do that. Or hey, those fire-spewing goofball lizards are hiding in those skulls, I know what that means! Okay, cool, we’re making the zone tiny and you can’t see the throw arc target on the shot you need to make. So on, so forth. I can see where this stuff came from, and being able to roll a bomb like a bowling ball and bank it around corners and stuff kinda rules. But the aiming mechanism is the pits.
So I thought to myself, while experiencing unfamiliar physical discomfort from a Zelda game, what would I rather be doing right now? What terrible gaming events from my life would be preferable to the way I have to twist my brain like a wet rag to get past these cute, little puzzles? Well, I have a few (Nintendo-adjacent!)answers.
5 Things I Would Rather Do Than Aim Bombs in Skyward Sword
Fight Mike Tyson Blindfolded
One of the most recognizable Nintendo challenges is defeating Mike Tyson at the end of the original Punch-Out! For the NES. But of course there’s a popular way to raise the stakes, and that’s doing it blindfolded. I am not good at Punch-Out! So that includes the time and dedication I would need for this task. I really don't know what that entails, but that's okay. I would rather fight Mike Tyson blindfolded than aim bombs in Skyward Sword.
Complete all of Hyrule Warriors
Beating Hyrule Warriors isn’t a huge challenge. There’s only so many chapters even with its pretty deep roster. But I’m talking about completing it. Like, doing everything possible. You wanna know how long that takes? It takes hundreds of hours. According to The Completionist, around a thousand. I would rather complete Hyrule Warriors (It’s the best Zelda anyway) than aim bombs in Skyward Sword.
Grind Every Class in Dragon Quest 3 to Level 100 in the Starting Area
Remember when that one guy grinded all the way up to level 100 in Kingdom Hearts? Pretty wild that’s even possible. But I propose grabbing Dragon Quest 3, preferably for NES or Game Boy Color, and grinding each available class to level 100, without leaving the initial area. That’s eight different classes, nine including the Hero. You can have three party members at a time alongside the Hero, so yeah that’s a lot of slimes. I would rather grind every class in Dragon Quest III than aim bombs in Skyward Sword.
Read the Balan Wonderworld Novel
Balan Wonderworld is such a rough experience of a game that it may have ended Yuji Naka’s career in game development. That’s really sad actually, but there’s no arguing that point. Someone on my Fantasy Critic team lost 14 points on that game. But guess what? There’s a novelization. I’m not sure how that nonsensical videogame translates to literature, but it can’t be great. I would rather read the Balan Wonderworld novel than aim bombs in Skyward Sword.
Wear the 1994 Donkey Kong Country Shirt for a Week
I never noticed as a kid, but videogames have had preorder bonuses for decades. Super Nintendo Games had preorder bonuses, which blows my mind (I didn’t get games anywhere near release back then). I recently learned that if you preordered the all-time classic Donkey Kong Country, you got one of the most hideous t-shirts I’ve ever seen. I love Donkey Kong, but I would never wear this cursed garment in public. I would rather wear this shirt every day for a week (an unplanned week, natch; who can say what will happen) than aim bombs in Skyward Sword.
Ah, now I feel much, much better. Stay tuned for more The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword HD content in the coming weeks right here on Prima Games! Check us out on social too over at Facebook and Twitter.