The Dr. Disrespect permaban from Twitch is still a mystery but apparently the content creator isn't as over it as he originally portrayed himself to be. This particular influencer has had a very controversial career thus far including infidelity against his wife and filming at a public event in a bathroom with minors present. That's just the major highlights, but through it all Twitch stood by him. Until one day, they didn't, and this move, according to the creator himself, has made a lasting impression going forward. 

While Guy 'Disrespect' Beahm has returned to streaming non-exclusively, he did mention in a recent video that his return was not without anxiety. His ban made headlines instantly and with each week that passed without answers, the speculation grew more scathingly. With a reputation like his, it wasn't difficult for many to draw pretty serious conclusions, but everything thus far has been unconfirmed and Beahmn claims he's as much in the dark as everyone else. 

"To have that taken away from you, and to not know why, and to not know anything about it, not to be told, nothing—boom, taken, grabbed, everything we built, all the eggs in one bucket, boom, taken away," Beahm reveals in his latest video. "The fact that I am here live on YouTube, it's been a fantastic return, I'm telling you. It is. But my anxiety levels, it's something that comes in these huge waves, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I'll be honest."

Beahm added, "A lot of people think the numbers are fantastic. Yeah, the numbers are nuts, crazy, which is fantastic. We've come back before through adversity, we've come back because you know why? It was on me. I accepted the responsibility. It was on me. But there was an opportunity to come back, right? How do I—what do I accept in this case? I don't accept anything, and there's nothing I can do about it, you know?"

Related: DrDisRespect Returns to Streaming on YouTube

While it's nice to see a seemingly change in attitude, and perhaps this experience has been humbling, Beahm has often blurred the lines between what he claims is a persona (a huge self-proclaimed asshole) and his "real self." That being said, his "real self" cheated and humiliated his wife, so the two aren't quite as separate as he's led people to believe. To his credit, however, we all grow and we all learn and an experience like this where everything is an abrupt halt? That changes a person and can be the catalyst for effective change to becoming a better person. 

While he is steady in his claim that he has "no idea" why he was banned, permabans aren't commonplace so it's hard to imagine he has no idea. Perhaps one day there will be communication via the company or with him to his viewers, but it looks like today is not that day.